i dunno i feel like im hurting you with my need for yours
i wanted to stop hiding to speak
but what could i possibly have to say about who i am that can be said NOT through the window the lens of my lovers flesh
what can i see that’s not through her eyes
what can i say that i dont want to hear from her lips?
i want to simply teach the whole planet about that word
every moment
that word too they seem to have forgotten
focus and devotion
two little words
the sum i wanted to tell the race you call your own
a stranger here just passing through
always the outsider
alone, even among family
everyone angling to get their piece the thing they want
and i give it to them all
love so much
time all of it
pain they take thattoo
and still more i give more
because that’s all training for me
preparign me for her
she who doesnt exist
my daughter the girl i want so desperately to make from the flesh and life
of anyoen that will let me take them
take their thoughts
steal it all destroy it
and fill it insitad with somethign darker deeper more intent and powerful
god why did i hold back so much from you?
why didnt i fill your every moment with all that mix of love and lust hghunger intensity
why didnt i carve and cut and drink you up
why didnt i break and remake you
i will never know
to speakone must be spoken to
i only want to fuck to touch to meet
where the first word i say to them is forever
and they understand it
just like that
and they say it back
and there
no possibility in all of existence that they will part.. from those two words
you are everyone and noone to me
another person who dreams
but its so easy to step into the dream fo forever
the only person that can stop you from havign it is you
because i was never a person
and i was always forever
and now
i still have a lifetiem of silence
i still need to say just one word
to one person
anyone that can understand the power
the urge
the death
of saying that one word and making it true
just once in their pathetic miserable human life
to not lie
can a human not lie once?
so far.. we shall see
i can make it easy ro hard impossible or a piece fo cake
i can make it the biggets challenge you coudl ever hop eto win
or the easiest easiest defeat you could think of
but i want
just once
to say a word
and not lie
and have someone say the same word
and not lie to me
that’s it
that’s the secret of forever
speak and not lie
on two sides
my side
ive spent a lifetime building shaping making
my forever
is forever
with just a word, a choice
can anyone
choose to make that choice with ME
or will i be an alien that came and lived and died
never heard in his native tongue
a language where lies are impossible
a language called Magick.. one i speak so very little
but want to scream
with a whisper
of one word
and with your life your flesh your lust your time and your forever
i can make that whisper a shout heard around the world
your life can be my voice
one to last forever
dunno i feel like im hurting you with my need for yours
and contrary to what you believe.. i don’t want that.. i simply don’t want to want you in a soft unpassionate less than intense way
i know you say theres a lot of things you deserve better than what i gave
but at the end of the day.. the problem between us was a lack of intensity, not an overabundance
so for me to want you means to be prepared for the real world needs of you in the flesh, not your needs for calm at a distance
when we met the first time i was distracted so i sort of worked on that a lot…
i know you have many sources of conversation and such and have no idea whats going on
i cant love you i cant hate you i cant let you go
without hurting you more
to be honest i am a lost cause.. theres really no hope for me which means theres really no need to try to save me
i would love to hop back into the energetic sphere and put more POWA into the willing of the one who wants that devastation to my life
but that’s assuming there’s someone with more.. hmmmm…. beautiful inner chaos that is you
and frankly.. ive been studying the concepts since i was able to read and frankly thees no scientific basis behind the idea that there may be a more better suited potential lover for me
so i dunno
i spend my days dreaming of your every moment in pain
i guess
i cant really think of anything else to do
because doing something.. with less than my all
ive tried it before
and i promptly fell asleep and became an average guy for years
it was only an accident that woke me back up
so i found i have to keep this level up or slip slip away
i dunno…. its strange
a real limbo
an unknown
for the first time ever
an unknown even for me
no clear direction how to proceed to best serve and free the woman i know i was made for
i hoped it was you… and your indecision forced me to choose… which i never did
.. simply because you dont want me enough to have or keep me and i am only that
so ….
its not about who wants me
its about who wants to live that inner chaos outside
who will fuck and love and kiss in blood ‘
who wants to feel all that energy on them
and who knows for sure
that the only way they can find out who they are.. is to be raped and twisted cut and fucked and held
who knows.. only that THAT is who they are inside
and has the capability to understand me even a little
who can even start the decades long journey to understanding these concepts as i have
who has the patience the drive will
who has the need for a creature like me?
but who truly needs NEEDS that
who will die go crazy or simply lose person after person.. or be bored with anyone else
but me
because i am nothing
i am noone
but the result of a lifetime with my life choices talents and experiences
selected by the dreams of a girl full of chaos and thirst for more
like you
who needs that beyond the art and fancy descriptions words and things
who needs an anomaly as their lover, just to fit in?
who refuses to live any life but the near impossible one they dream of
who burns and hungers ever moment to know what it feels like
to burn in hunger every moment
who will give me their flesh their life their time
for me to reshape to fill with all that lovely dark red lust
chaos knowledge power intensity
and will to live even the darkest dreams with your moments
flesh and taste
who will give their life for me
so i can be their death alive
who will be my creature
who will be the familiar
like my cat
i stare with ancient hunger through their eyes
who will feel my every thought my every heartbeat
and let me feel theirs from deep inside


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