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oblivion : salvation

“we never see how bad something is until it utterly destroys us”
what if we can be more than alive
and the whole of existence dead to us

what if your idea of good is
being utterly destroyed
consumed
devoured
?

what then

does that mean we refuse to see how good that thing
can be
until we continue on
alive and us
prevented from
the feeling
of that oblivion we seek?

too many of these philsophers and philosophies
reinforce our mental jail cell bars
even in the name of freeing us

the very definition of freedom
was created by enslaved minds

not that there is one way which is right or wrong
but if the whole idea of freedom
means
only one slice
of the possible ways to view
a subject
an object
a goal
a journey
a destination
or a way to look at it

then that is the very opposite of freedom

it is the rebels themselves who are the greatest tyrants
let them try every freedom
before they choose which one

is the inverse
of their own prison

let them unlock all the doors and gates
to escape the flood of rats
within

before deciding
which lock to try to open
for centuries
and yet still
dream

if only a little more
there is a door ajar
within us all

and none even think to step in
they would rather kill or kill themselves
than see

an old
idea
a new life

 

inner demons

to be perfectly frank..
im sorta emotionless
or to be honest.. internally i am set on “output” which means “love” all the time
my whole life and every word i say except a few is some sort of “autopilot” i employ to avoid termination, detection, or just becoming the
near catatonic zombie i was before i created the subroutine

im a machine
every moment

i engineered myself to do certain things
that certain archetypes
would do it they existed

i rebel at times

like the time i charged and tried to tackle a cop as hes pointing his gun at me
with heightened senses (i love controlling adrenalin output) i saw
in slow motion
his finger pull the trigger

damnit Paudi
my lighting man irish
bud
tackled me before the shot could go off
crisis averted

i miss doing shrooms while fucking

the best i could do
beast machine
was to explore something that was emotional

when you see me
im holding your inner demons
wriggling black monstrosities
in a par of tweezers and stare at them
while we talk
or im doing something else

and when i know its safe
i open wide and swallow one
like spinach for popeye
and show you what it feels like
to be devoured by your own inner demons

addictive actually
dangerously so
im in withdrawal right this very second

yep

hands

these hands even as they type.. they burn and hunger
this flesh even as it sits and stares at the screen .. smolders deep within
it burns
a hunger, a thirst..  not for flesh
not for the mind of a woman i can steal and keep and break and shape and mold
they hunger for a hunger itself
they burn for burning
for the deep desire of your body your curves your mind
to belong to be owned to be shaped and molded used and raped and tasted
by a mind a cock a will a heat
a touch
your Owner
your Master
whoever he might be
and i thirst to find that One
that burns so bright
to be owned by this hand
this mind
this soul
this ten inch cock
and so each day i am here, passing by the women who want to fuck or date
meet or plunge into hands that never need let go
and i seek her out
that One that craves to be owned in full
by a creative mind an artist to make of her flesh and sensations
her mind and soul machine
the perfect slut to match and wrap around this cock
the flesh, to melt into these hands
that exist 247
to exchange the power they may posses for the power
of you being their posession

min(e)d

it is your mind more than any mark that makes your body mine completely.. the marking of the flesh starts that process..
i cant wait to take you deep
slowly
as i trace lines with a razor down your skin
drink deep that blood as i fuck you harder and deeper
and as i stretch your pussy wide your skin opens up and cums in blood for my tongue and you’ll feel my lust grow as i thicken
a hand around your neck grabbing tighter
feel the breath stop cold and know your mine to live to die to have
that blade deeper still
writing forever in your skin and lust and love and slut and bride
i pull your hair and pull back delighting in the pain
and drive harder deeper til you scream

my bloody fingers slide across your scar

twist your head to the side.. hands gripping cheek so hard the skin jolts pressed flesh to bone
and drive my tongue deep and you can see the word in my eyes
mine forever mine
and taste that blood on your tongue
only when i touch yoru flesh and feel the hunger to dream that vision forever will i make it true
to cut to mark to drink deep your liquid life
youll know as you drink my flesh my heat my fluids down your tongue
that my lust is only a gift in exchange for you beign mine
to cut to hurt to rape
is a gift i share only then
so as i talk and think and say to do those things
that is just a down payment on the mind the soul
the every moment you need to hear me know you take me in your life…. i repay with a cut a thirst for your blood a craving for every day new inches  of lines to mark that flesh once yours now mine forever my words each day as that cut marks my soul permanently binding you to my lust
after i’ve already raped and pillaged constantly
until our days and nights are simply thoughts
art feelings and sensations
memories of yesterdays action
in the marks of today

words

words these ones right here are the all of me.. these little lines
the time it took to write them was the total amount of time
my brain was not on autopilot
these words are the crack in my jail cell of a mind
these words are the all of thought for today
beyond the everything and every subject needed just to
make them real to give them depth
to be their pedigree
and resume of experience and constant knowledge
a window on the feeling
the memory of holding you even as i want more of your
that heart that mind that soul
elusive terms.. a scientist
i want more of your AWARENESS, your cognitive thought processes,
the imagery of your dream as you fall into the ecstasy found only in dream
give me more of your day to day thought that this be the
hand the cock the lips the tongue you dream to OWN to fuck to rape to taste you
always and evermore til last gasp escape your lips to my waiting ears
wanting to hear you scream i drive deeper
wanting to taste your love i slice deeper
red and wet on my tongue as teeth bite deep
upon your neck
these fingers squeeze
hips so tight there might be a bruise
this flesh you feel
you know you will
feel it til you die
a motor running
your hands upon the wheel
your mind you ask for more
and you get more
you ask for longer harder deeper redder wetter angrier
more loving
and thats what you get
i am that moment in time
i am only an architect as well
the cpu of a machine a drone panther
stalking you
i am that desire
to feel
i am the feeling
deep so deep inside
you to be free to be a slave to have a mind filled with wonder
to be mindless
thoughtless only feeling
and hunger for more floating
in a sea of heat
i am nothing more than that
these words
that are shaped from letters
each letter in a million other words that
impart possess manifest are the manufacture
of all the million thoughts
we have as a race
i am not those thoughts
i am the expression action
the boring interlude the preparation
the attack
the devastation
the oblivion
of all but life and feeling
i am that
and that means to be alive
with two sets of eyes
two hearts
both screaming with hate and love calm and insanity
and til then
i am this prison of words exploding my only
lifesblood on the screen
and nothing more
but mask and recital scripture as all thoughts are
for all is script and rote program
if just words
i am forever
and til doomsday come
it is just a word
the word itself
the Word
is me.. craving to spill into you and erase everything there and fill it up
with that burning power
as soon as i know for sure youre in my hands..
never leaving, hungry for only forever
no need to worry for frightening
you off with this true face of lust
i can stop hiding myself from everyone..
including myself.. i thirst for that freedom
to know who i really am when i have nothing to lose
because i have everything i need to survive in my hands